Bracknell’s Fourths travelled to Reading Abbey for their first away game of the season. With twenty minutes to kick off, the 14 man squad were brought up to strength by the late arrival of the Croys. Croy junior chosing to celebrate his 18th birthday not with an all day Call of Duty session but with his debut in men’s rugby.

And what a band of men! Although from a distance it may have looked liked the Teletubbies had broken into the kit shop, up close it was clear that Cap’n Hailes had assembled as gnarly a band of battlers as has ever pulled on the green, gold and black. Pulling it off at the end looked like it might prove a bit harder, but that was a problem for later in the day.

With Cap’n Hailes, Andy Dalrymple and Paul Smith up front, backed up Mark Jackson and Matt the Colt we had a tight five to match any. The weight and experience of the five was complemented by the youngsters Chris and Jonno, led in the loose by the dulcet tones of Gary Dixon.

Radders continued his return from layoff, with Jeremy Allcock at 12 and Goadie at 13. The back three saw the young Samir Kharbouch at 15, Johan at 11 and the improbable (but surprisingly effective) “Raging Bull” Tonks as the last minute choice at 14.

The backs and forwards looked set to be linked by Croy junior at 9 with the whole assemblage watered by super sub Croy senior – poised to lurch into action at only a few minutes notice.

Cheerleading and kicking tee duties were provided by Sarah Radford, Senior Radders, Oli and Holly Radford.

Against Bracknell’s finest were what can only be described as a rugby team who looked like a rugby team. Abbey had a warm up routine, cones, rucking pads, at least one coach, possibly two balls, the lot.

As Abbey went through the drills, the Fourths introduced themselves to each other. On the one side, the gnarled veterans looking at the young ‘uns thinking “Christ…kids”, on the other side, the young ‘uns looking at the veterans thinking “No…way”. Both were to learn a lot about the other. A gentle stretch and a run through the basics , “tackle”, “pass”, “work”, “blow out of arses” and the Fours were ready.

Last season’s games between the Fours and Abbey had proved very close encounters but with a win each. With the Fours yet to win a game and Abbey’s resounding win over Marlow last week the smart money was on Abbey.

Except someone forgot to tell the Fours.

Right from the off, the Fours demonstrated great commitment to winning the ball. This novel departure from their previous games this season saw Radders able to exert his influence on the game, alternately unleashing the runners and kicking for territory. With virtually the first attacking lineout of the game, the forwards mauled over the line for Matt the Colt to ground the ball for his first try of the season.

Although Abbey responded quickly with a period of sustained pressue, the Fours made tackle after tackle, disrupted, turned over and cleared the lines several times before play returned to safer areas of the pitch.

The Abbey scrum was performing well, stealing ball on our put in, no small feat given the youth of the Abbey hooker and the quality of the Bracknell’s front row. But the Abbey backs were not able to capitalise, due in no small measure to the quality and quantity of tackles put in by the Fours, led by the outstanding loose trio, and in at least one text book counter-ruck.

With so much of the game played in the Abbey half, and their defenders sucked into the middle it was only a matter of time before Tonks hurtled (not a typo) over the line from the wing. When he added his second, the less charitable whispered of mysterious betting syndicates….

At about this point it became clear that our Saffers were engaged in some sort of Out of Africa banter with their Saffers, presumably about how wonderfully soft the ground was, how great the weather and how one lot or the other had been eavesdropping on the other lot’s cunning plans, carefully hatched in Afrikaans, which surely no one else in rural Oxfordshire would understand…surely?

With a short break for handbags, and by which time everyone involved was surely too exhausted to listen to the ref, play resumed in the manner in which it had been discontinued with Bracknell pressing downhill for the line, Gary Dixon being held up and finally Samir was rewarded for an excellent afternoon’s work by crossing for the final try.

Radders single conversion kept the points at 0 - 22 (and some churlish cries of “We want Ben”) but more important was the clean sheet, the four team tries, the excellent team spirit and the first of what we hope will be many wins for Cap’n Hailes.

Abbey’s revenge was swift.

Perhaps fooled by the Teletubbies, perhaps fooled by the youthful nature of some of the Fours, we were served the local version of a Happy Meal - five (or was it six?) chips, sausages, beans and the sort of bread one hears mice won’t eat.

The kids weren’t impressed. Us tubbies even less so.